


My Tumblr poetry, fic, and writing meta

by LaBelleIzzy



Series: The Braindust Collection (Original Work) [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Collaborative fiction, Encouraging, Fandom Meta - Freeform, I Blame Tumblr, Original Poetry - Freeform, Other, Poetry, Reframing, angry poetry, poetry from tumblr, truth in advertising, tumblr poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-03-22 20:34:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 6,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13772025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaBelleIzzy/pseuds/LaBelleIzzy
Summary: I keep dropping little interesting things off in Tumblr and didn't um save all of them before posting. So I have the goal of finding them and stashing them here.I'll include little notes about what I was thinking or why I wrote specific pieces if I can remember or if I am so moved...=)





	1. We Witches.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this at the same time as i wrote #prayfororlando.

We witches

 

We green witches  
We kitchen witches  
We cyber witches  
We witches with stones  
We witches with spells  
We witches with sigils and potions and paint  
We make  
We create  
We craft the world and we craft ourselves

First let us cry and rage and wail  
Then let us CHANGE THE WORLD  
So there will no longer be rooms full of cellphones  
Ringing unanswered in dead children’s pockets  
With “Mom calling” traumatizing the first responders  
And blood on the dance floor  
The classroom floor  
The theater floor

No more “thoughts and prayers” oozing out of  
The mouths of smarmy hypocrites  
Just  
Let us Do The Work

No more dead children  
No more murders  
No more pulpits whipping hate into a frenzy

Shield the innocent, let them live and learn love  
In peace.

#i stand with orlando #witches #my words #when the moon be full #we witches #powerful agents of change #not on my watch #protect them #not this time motherfuckers #reblog #shieldmaiden #protector #made with tumblr  
#do the work #witchy #full moon #solstice #justice #be the change #rage #i stand with pulse #lgbtqia

#witches #power #powerful #act up #act out deliberately #nasty women #nasty men #reclaiming nasty #i'm with her #i'm with hillary #do the work #get in the game #get in there #my work #my words #my writing   
#kick ass #kick arse #orlando pulse shooting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/153416997062/we-witches


	2. Here is the heart of it

Just the words  
“A woman, unafraid”  
Tells a story  
Incomprehensible  
To so many.

#my words #spilled words #poem #my poem #why we need feminism


	3. Kisses.

**Kisses.**

I miss kissing.

I miss breathing someone else’s breath, and that shiver of excitement, and the physical closeness and warmth of somebody else’s body, and the intentionality of kissing and being excited to be with the person and enjoying exploring everything about that one person whose face is next to yours.

I miss making out.

I miss how your lips get a little bit sore and your mouth gets a little bit tired between the kissing and the smiling and I miss how your hands go exploring the textures of someone else’s shoulder and face and hair…

I want that again. I want kissing again. I want making out again. Forehead kisses. Cheek kisses. Neck kisses. Nibbling on the neck and ears and shoulders. Big smacking silly kisses. Blowing raspberries on someone’s skin.

I want all of that.

#kisses #neck kisses #cheek kiss #silly kisses #smooches #smooch #smooching #making out # 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/167252735932/kisses-i-miss-kissing-i-miss-breathing-someone#notes
> 
> I have been having a rough time of it wrt this part of my life.


	4. For my nieces and my former students…

It is not unforgivable to be female…

But it definitely FEELS like it is.

I saw myself as a person, ungendered

Before I could call myself a woman.

I was a 30+ year old “girl”

And I struggled my way out

Of hating myself

For no apparent reason…

No APPARENT reason.

There were reasons, but they weren’t mine.

I count myself lucky

I’ve lived to 48. Not all women do.

I’m …MOSTLY sane, mostly stable.

Been buried by bullshit my entire life.

But

You know what survives being buried by bullshit?

SEEDS.

TREES.

And I grow like that–

Slow. Deliberate. Gradual. Strong.

#seeds #trees #feminist #feminine #STRONG #women #metaphor #my words #sleepless night #feminist #why i need feminism #poetry #poets tell the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/168749123202/for-my-nieces-and-my-former-students-it-is-not#notes


	5. When Autumn Blazes

When did I fall in love with Autumn?

Gingko trees carpet:  
Tarnished gold covers the earth,  
Unripe gold still waits.

#haiku #autumn #trees #poetry #my words

 

and, for thememoryexchange:

Today was a perfect jewel of a day.  
Storm clouds fill the sky in shades from pale pewter to a white like tuxedo shirt fronts.  
Autumn leaves blaze against the varied greys above me.  
Bright gold triangles of ginko like exhausted butterflies, shivering in the slight wind.  
Garish scarlet stars on the maples, and the camphor trees have their scarlet, gold, and green altogether blended.  
Gold and scarlet puddles ripple beneath the trees, & the green upward thrust of the older pines is tinged with rust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/167276897322/when-did-i-fall-in-love-with-autumn-gingko-trees  
> &  
> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/158481054622/today-was-a-perfect-jewel-of-a-day-storm-clouds  
> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/158481027882/welcome-to-the-memory-exchange


	6. Shoulders.

he said when i left my ex,  
“you can finally relax and let your shoulders down  
you don’t have to protect your heart anymore.”  
but what he didn’t know  
was that I had never let my shoulders down  
in my whole life.

 

thirty three years old when he said that to me  
a friend I hadn’t seen for five years  
because he said,  
“it hurts too much to see how he treats you”  
but then, he’d treated me like my dad had  
that hurt too, but it was familiar and lifelong.

 

it’s fifteen years later now  
and I’ve been working out for half that  
fixing the muscles  
learning my injuries and how to let them go  
the physical leads the emotional  
but the emotional often triggered the injuries

 

and my shoulders are strong  
square, and down  
and i look like i was never traumatized  
when i look in the mirror, I think,  
“that friend would be glad of my shoulders  
and proud of me for my hard work”

 

I am proud of me for my hard work  
I worked hard and also i was lucky  
fifteen years with a man who’s safe  
he’s kind and patient and he  
gives me time and space to heal  
why is this so shocking to me

 

that a man would hold space for me  
Love me, take care of me  
Trust that I am worth the Time, Space,  
Investment, and Love.  
And I AM, but he had to show me for YEARS  
before I Believed it.

#poetry #my poetry #my life #my words #learning how to adult #healing #healing old wounds #self worth #self esteem #self care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/170809585027/shoulders-he-said-when-i-left-my-ex-you-can


	7. I am.

**I am.**

 

I am a Witch.

I am a QUEEN.

I am an Artist.

 

And I am NOBODY’S Little Girl.

 

I walk proud.

I hold my head high.

My shoulders are square and straight.

And I look Men in the eye.

 

I’ve WORKED for that.  
I’ve worked for ALL of that.  
I’m KEEPING that.

 

I’m surrounding myself with

amazing

people

People who dive into life Heart-first.

Passionate

To make the world Better.

 

I never thought of it like this before  
So, I sincerely thank you.

But your passions

Are not big enough

Bright enough

Or silly enough

For me.

 

I cannot be your Little Girl.  
That is not my script.  
I refuse that role.

 

My laughter is my harvest.  
My joy is my abundance -  
And I give both freely  
In gigantic capacities.

 

Nothing ABOUT me is little.

My breasts, my thighs, my belly, my laugh… my enthusiasm, my creativity, my joy, my community, my WORDS.

 

You put your hand over my mouth to shut me up.

No.

No, I can’t even play like that.

 

I SHOUT I PUNCH I SCRAWL I RUN I DANCE I WEEP I LOVE HARD and harder and harder

And you DEFINITELY can’t keep up.

I am definitely not the girl you’re looking for.  
I am WOMAN.  
Hear me ROAR.

#this world fears angry women #i am so angry #my words #my work #my poetry #i am #help me add tags to this #powerful woman #claim that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/170253979227/i-am-i-am-a-witch-i-am-a-queen-i-am-an-artist


	8. Their job is to protect US, not kill US

Their job is to protect US, not kill US

American politics right now (July 2017) feels like a reverse of the play Julius Caesar: instead of a small group taking down a tyrant, the small group is stabbing outwards, at thousands and thousands of unarmed helpless people while the tyrant, protected in the center, smirks and points fingers at yet more helpless people to be attacked next.

#american politics #I am so angry #I am so tired #fighting for our lives  
1 note


	9. oh dark internet...

**Dark Internet…**  
Show me the women reclaiming their power…

The women and girls, womyn and grrlz…

Show me the beautiful tough resilient people

Of all colors and creeds and countries

Crying and screaming and calling for justice

The clarion call too clear

Attention right here

Justice so near…

Dark Internet show me the women and girls,

My queer folk and straight folk, my trans and enby and cis folk

All claiming our power

All standing up strong

All yelling forever:

“Time’s Up, your turn is over, work with us or get run over”

Time for justice. Time for remediation.

Time for healing. And it’s time, and past time

To break the half-broken things completely.

And use the pieces to do better for everyone.

Break what needs breaking.

Heal the wounds. Build the gardens and hospitals and schools. Teach and learn with minds and bodies and hearts and families and tribes and communities and the world.

Stand up. Put your shoulder, your passion, your oomph, your fear, your anger, your hurt… Put it to WORK.

Stop playing small, play BIG. TAKE UP SPACE.

Love hard, be fierce and generous and unapologetic, and do the thing that only you can do. You are loved. Do All The Things.

I believe in you, I believe in us. We can do this.

#my words #my work #my mission #my passion #my path #my poetry #social justice #reclaimingmylife #reclaiming my power #reclaiming our power #we can do this #we can do it #i believe in you #i believe in us #i believe in myself #let's do this #please steal my tags #steal the tags #add your own  
7 notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/171067938037/dark-internet-show-me-the-women-reclaiming-their


	10. anger, self, dad's death

*slow careful exhale*

 

That feel when  
I am so angry I become precise in my speech and I completely stop swearing for emphasis.

I don’t like it;  
Nevertheless, here I am.  
Like: it’s my dead dad’s birthday, I didn’t need MORE.

2 notes

and

Dad’s birthday today, 8/9/15  
My dad’s death certificate is now old enough to drink everywhere in the United States.   
1939-1994.  
And my feelings about the man are still… Complicated.  
I wonder if I will ever not feel raw and confused and angry and disappointed and sad and frustrated. Twenty-one years. I’m forty-five, now. The years just keep coming, faster and faster, and I don’t have time anymore for wondering if he would be proud of me, what kind of grandparent he would have been to my niblings, all the things you wonder when someone leaves you early.  
I will do things today, and I will be kind to myself today.   
And maybe I will live a little longer because I have places to talk about my feelings.  
He didn’t.

#deathaversary #anniversary #dad #death #feeling some feelings.  
1 note


	11. Enough.

Enough.

 

Say it with me:

 

I don’t owe you ANYTHING.

I don’t owe you eye contact.

Don’t owe you a smile

Or my phone number

Or a conversation.

I don’t owe you my emotional labor

Or even my sympathy

Or any of my time.

I don’t owe you sex.

I don’t want to, sometimes, and I’m going to say so.

How many times have I had sex when I didn’t want to?

How many times did it hurt?

(Protip: it ain’t supposed to hurt)

How many times was it no fun for me?

Obligation sex should go both ways if it’s going to happen. Does it?

I’m angry again.

But at least we are talking about this shit.

Finally.

Time’s Up. No more, not again.

#time's up #fuck this shit #my words #angry poetry  
5 notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/170171126672/enough-say-it-with-me-i-dont-owe-you


	12. Anger as fuel

Angry:

Thought I was Hangry  
Ate some food  
Turns out I’m still Angry  
Hunger only one part of it.

Not polite to be Angry  
An Angry Woman almost a trope  
“Nobody likes” &c.

My friend has been shattered and carved  
Another friend says, “why doesn’t she just be whole?”  
She doesn’t understand because she doesn’t know.

Her not understanding makes me angry  
Because i DO know, and I DO understand  
Because my breaking and carving is different  
But it WAS. 

Lives are shattered and ended  
Because someone else was Angry  
But I don’t need guns to destroy things of value.

I’d rather be Angry than Hopeless  
I’d rather be Angry than Depressed  
I’d rather be Angry than do Nothing.

Anger at least is fuel  
Propelling me forward  
Sometimes heart-first  
Sometimes fist-first.

#anger #angry #angry poetry #change the world #be the change #my words #my poetry #abuse #abuse tw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/146320458012/angry


	13. Hope for the future

Hope for the future  
#NationalPoetryDay  
Pain drove my pen  
Before, now again  
Healing I seek  
Tho the outlook seems bleak  
Just know, my friend  
This isn’t the end…

#national poetry day #my words #there is still hope #moment of hope #tiny spark of hope #from my twitter  
3 notes


	14. Letter to an old lover

Letter to an old lover

I loved you with butterflies in my stomach:  
Fire in my belly, heated loins and hungry hands.  
A totally new love, so different from the love before…  
I was only allowed to love so far, in just these ways  
Because you have to love your family, right?  
But they don’t know how you need to be loved.

I’m sorry I broke your heart.  
It’s just that I didn’t know how to let go;  
Never have known how, really.  
I still hold you  
But I hold you lightly now, loosely.  
You’re free to go and live your life and your loves.  
I can miss you still,  
While I live my life and have my loves as well.

It’s been a good life, and looks to get even better.  
For you and yours, as well.  
I’m happy for you, truly.  
And I’ve stopped my old habit of tracing  
Those might-have-beens  
And instead I look back fondly remembering.

I miss you, truly.  
But I don’t miss being twenty.

I love you.  
Be well.

#poetry #my words #spilled words #to a lover #i love you #i miss you #be well my friend  
1 note


	15. Love and pain

They can be someone you love  
And still hurt you  
They can be someone who genuinely loves you  
And still hurt you.

Parent, friend, lover, whoever:  
You don’t have to feel guilty for feeling hurt.  
You don’t have to forgive them, though you can.  
You don’t have to defend them, though we often do defend them.

Your hurt, your harm, is valid.  
It’s just COMPLICATED, because there’s love AND hurt.

You still get to choose what to do. Ask for or demand apologies and amends? Work to rebuild a relationship or end it? Your choice.  
And theirs too, right?

Remember that nobody can tell you they didn’t hurt you or try to invalidate your hurt. You know when you’ve been hurt.

Also remember: all of us have hurt others, too.  
So when someone says to you, this thing you did was hurtful. If you can, listen. If you can, stay open, be kind. Work on healing others as you also work on your own pain.

Less pain. More patience. More love.

#feelings #feelingstorms #feeling some type of way #my words  
1 note  
Jul 21st, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/163267232822/love-and-pain


	16. Check, Please! fanmusings

Check, Please! fanmusings

labelleizzy  
Just had a quick thought today that I thought I’d share

and yeah I’m kind of new to this fandom, but I don’t think I’m wrong. Probably I won’t be the first to say this. I love Ngozi’s story because it ISN’T angsty, ISN’T overdramatic, doesn’t borrow trouble. People in her universe are kind and gentle with each other’s feelings, and in relationships. Good communication happens, forgiveness happens, characters grow and change in healthy ways. 

I’m hungry for stories like this. I’m hungry for moments like The Kiss, and for late night skype sessions with pet names, for holding hands and platonic cuddles and glomps and tacklehugs (like when Shitty got into Harvard and they all piled on, Chowder in mid-gleeful-jump). Ngozi’s style and story feeds these hungers in a way that other stories and other fandoms do not. In ways my own life *shrug* does not feed these hungers.

we come to stories to be fed, to be connected, to feel less lonely. 1000 blessings on the artist Ngozi for seeing the need and meeting it for all of us. Being fed, finding community and beauty and kindness and loyalty and trustworthiness and caring. It’s a beautiful thing.

 

dontthinkaboutzimbits  
100 times yes. 

 

elzabob  
I keep saying this but it always bears repeating: stories don’t need angst to be interesting and captivating

 

labelleizzy  
Angst definitely has its place, and hurt-comfort is so dang satisfying, ESPECIALLY since from what I understand, the whole trope ORIGINATED in fic culture… But fluffy lovely fic that comforts, you know, we need it. Thank you Ngozi, you’ve gotten me through and past some seriously ugly shit in the last two years or so.

Source: labelleizzy 

#thank you ngozi #my words #fandom meta #fluff is the best #omgcheckplease #omgcheckplease meta #i love every single one of you #i love everyone in this bar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/163958207772/check-please-fanmusings


	17. fixit for Humans Are Weird = adhd version

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> collaborative fic in the Humans Are Space Orcs fandom

humans are weird – adhd.

instantgalaxy-justaddstars  
So after reblogging literally every single “humans are weird” post that came on my dash I decided it’s time to make my own!

Consider the following;

Humans are already weird space orcs that like either worship the term “fuck it” or make sacrifices to the ship’s rulebook, basically. They have a strict series of social interactions that even distinguish themselves between cultures. Deviation is rare, and sometimes ostracized, no matter how seemingly arbitrary.

So when the ship of the Vyrg’s first human shows up, they were expecting a smiling (humans smile for a lot of the time) human who will shake their first right hand.  
Instead, they got a messy, spaced out creature whose hair was falling in their face and whose things were overflowing from their arms, all seemingly hobbies and random trinkets. A backpack hung on their back.

Their first words were accompanied with a (sheepish…the captain thought) smile;  
“Sorry, I overslept and I forgot deployment was today! And I forgot my saline for my contacts back in my room but we’ve got to take off, right?”

Great. The crew got a dumb one.

Or so they thought, until their human explained the entire summary of how their ship’s mechanics worked, and fixed their left engine to work at maximum capacity in record time. The human followed it up with a seemingly random tangent about something called the “Stonewall Riots” and “gay rights”.

“Sorry,” Human-Clara said.  
“A bit of light just reflected here and it looked like a rainbow and it made me think of it.”  
Human-Clara had a tendency to speak either so fast they ran out of breath, or with so many pauses it sounded like they were gathering their scattered thoughts at that moment.

Life with Human-Clara was – odd. They kept to themselves mostly, quietly chatting with crew mates on certain days or absorbed in their transponder for others. Sometimes they would walk out of their room so wholly absorbed in yet another new hobby that the Captain feared xe’d never pull them out of it. The crew never saw a hobby finished. Sometimes when they were spoken to, Human-Clara responded slowly and distractedly, eyes distant and far away as if still thinking of something else. They regularly forgot to eat, or sleep, or take care of themselves if they were absorbed in something else. Directions had to be written down or sent to their transponder. The Captain learned to be patient, as Human-Clara seemed to excel with patience.

Human-Clara was also oddly sensitive. It was quite a culture shock for them to learn that the Vyrg didn’t really have a notion of “friends” other than immediate family, and was almost – crushed, for a few days, the Vyrg’s usual polite friendliness not enough. They seemed depressed when their crazy, thousand-lightyears-an-hour tangents weren’t paid attention to, so the crew began to adapt, and things became much more harmonious.

Sometimes Human-Clara got angry. They were terrifying when angry. It lasted only a few seconds, really. They would blow up, the explosion big enough to scare even the Captain, and after the explosion, be calm in seconds afterwards.

Stimulant chemicals made them sleepy, which the Vyrg thought was adorable. They watched videos of what they called “stims”, and flapped their hands when they were happy, and slapped them quickly and repeatedly on flat surfaces when they were really excited about knowing something. These were “stims” too. The Vyrg wasn’t sure what these “stims” were, really, but they seemed to regulate Human-Clara, emotionally.

Then they got another Human, Human-Steve. Human-Steve was often condescending in their remarks, saying that if Human-Clara “tried”, they could concentrate. It was then that the Vyrg learned what “attention deficit hyperactive disorder, primarily inattentive” was.

They panicked, a little. Was their first human sick?

“No,” Human-Clara explained. “It’s just where the connections in my brain are different, so some things I do differently. Human-Steve doesn’t have that, so he doesn’t understand”.

The Vyrg didn’t either, but their previous methods of interaction worked just fine, so they kept using those.

 

(If anybody wants to add anything, you don’t have too, but feel free!)

 

annietheneko1  
Yeeessss…

So like what if?…

After so long their human Clara seemed to get into regular arguments with the other human Steve and she eventually becomes really quiet and somewhat… tired? That’s what she usually answered with anyway. She became ever quieter especially when human Steve made an appearance. After sometime of this cycle the aliens decided to do some research and learned about Deppression and Anxiety being a side affect of ADHD and became increasingly concerned because human Claras recent behavior matched with the symptoms listed under these ‘Mental Illnesses’. Humans can apparently become sick in their minds… this is not good…

 

labelleizzy  
It made the aliens sad to see Human-Clara become consistently sad after so many cycles of lively, messy, creativity. Didn’t take long for the Vyrg who worked most often with Human-Clara to recognize the pattern: after conversation with Human-Steve, Human-Clara was sad and much less productive, more prone to hiding and even MORE prone to being distracted.

Tyx-Vyrg took their findings to their clanmate after Human-Clara injured herself for the second time while working. Zyn-Vyrg agreed, the data was solid.

This could not stand. Zyn-Vyrg booked a meeting with their clanleader on the ship, who when shown the data, frilled their ruff in sympathy. “You were right to bring this to me, Zyn-Vyrg. It is clear that interactions with Human-Steve cause problems for Human-Clara. We will bring them to a small Conclave.”

Pyd-Vyrg called Conclave, and when the humans were ushered into the mess hall, all the clanmates who worked with Human-Steve and Human-Clara were standing in attendance.

Both humans opened their eyes very wide and their face-fur patches rose up. Human-Clara spoke at a low volume saying, “is it someone’s birthday? My files didn’t say that Vyrg celebrated birthdays…”

Human-Steve said nothing, but looked at everyone in the room as Pyd-Vyrg stepped to the front.

It occurred to Pyd-Vyrg as they finally recognized their humans’ facial configuration as a stress indicator… perhaps they might have told the humans what to expect at a Conclave.

Best to fix that quickly.

“Human-Steve, Human-Clara, we bring you into Conclave this day-cycle because we have observed a pattern of communication between you that needs to change. First we will share with you what we see about each of you and how you work separately, then we will share with you what we see about each of you and how you work together.

You may ask questions at any time, Human-Clara, Human-Steve, this is not a matter of chastisement or discipline. A Conclave is for integration of the clan. You know that you are honorary members of Clan-Vyrg, and due to that, we bring you here to learn and understand how best to integrate yourselves together and with the clan.”

Human-Clara and Human-Steve glanced at each other.

“Do you understand?” Pyd-Vyrg asked. Both humans nodded their heads, and the signs of stress on their faces relaxed somewhat.

What followed next was usual for a Conclave of this size, called for this kind of purpose. Each Vyrg present stepped forward in turn, sharing their observations about their humans.

Human-Clara was seen to be creative, enthusiastic, an excellent problem solver and engineer, good in emergencies, consistently helpful and kind. She brought colorful thinking and a fresh perspective to every design challenge. While she was occasionally late to meetings or got distracted or needed to have information repeated, it was made clear that the Vyrg valued her work and were willing to make accommodations to let her work in her own chosen best fashion.

Human-Steve was timely, reliable, methodical, a solid mathematical mind. He consistently completed his work assignments within an arn or two of when he said he would, arrived at meetings on time, took comprehensive notes that were useful when his assignments had to be passed off to another crewmember. He hadn’t been on board the ship as long as Human-Clara, some Vyrg apologized, so they didn’t have as many stories and observations of his work.

When the first step was complete, Human-Clara was smiling but with the peculiar eye-leakage humans did when they felt strong emotions, and she had let go of her elbows and relaxed her arms back to her sides again. Human-Steve did not suffer the eye-leakage but his facial fur had returned to its accustomed place and his chin had come down again.

Next came Tyx-Vyrg and Zyn-Vyrg, who shared the same data and observations with Human-Steve and Human-Clara they had brought up with Pyd-Vyrg. Including the correlated injury data for Human-Clara from before and after Human-Steve had joined the crew.

As the information assembled itself in the air before the Conclave, Human-Steve’s face changed again. His mouth turned down and a deep wrinkle formed between his facial fur patches. He turned to face Human-Clara for the first time since they’d both entered the mess hall, and clasped his hands together in front of him.

“On my honor, Clara, I had no idea that what I was saying was hurting you like this. And I am so ashamed that I made such awful assumptions about your work habits and had the cruelty to say them to your face like that.”

He paused for a moment, then took a deep breath. “I wasn’t thinking, but I swear to you that my parents raised me better than that. I’m sorry that I was so mean to you. You’re a really great coworker and crewmate, you’re brilliant at fixing things, and you’re funny as hell, which I appreciate So Damn Much and I feel like a jerk for never telling you.”

His facial fur had gone down while he talked, but now it rose again while he pressed his lips together. “I promise I can do better by you, and I will. Can you call me out if I ever make you feel like that again? I really don’t want to do that anymore, not at all.”

Human-Clara cocked her head to the side and looked at Human-Steve for a moment. One side of her facial fur moved up at the same time half of her mouth moved up, too. “Thanks for admitting that you were kind of a jerk.”

She nodded, and after a moment a full smile came out. “I was on the verge of looking up your mom’s comm signal to complain about you, (Human-Steve snorted at this) because I miiiiiight be a little bit conflict adverse. It’s a lot easier for me to hide from the stuff that makes me uncomfortable than to speak up, but it helps a lot for me to have you ask me to hold you accountable. Thanks for that too.”

She took a deep breath, exhaled, and offered her hand. “Steve, wanna try to be friends?” She glanced around the room and her smile got bigger. “Us Vyrg gotta stick together, you know.”

Human-Steve let out a snortlaugh as he clasped her forearm and she clasped his, both smiling with teeth showing and eye crinkles. “Well, Clara, if I’m going to try to be a credit to our clan, I suppose I should start learning from the local expert!”

Releasing her arm with a final brief squeeze, he turned to face the rest of the Conclave. He nodded his head and said, “Tyx-Vyrg and Zyn-Vyrg, Pyd-Vyrg, my thanks to you for showing me my error so gently and with compassion, and for bringing us here to mend our relationship. This was a unique experience for me. We have something a little like it back home but I’m thinking we humans could use more of a Conclave mindset.” Human-Steve then performed the Gesture of deep respect, including Human-Clara in the scope of it.

Human-Clara faced the room saying, “Tyx-Vyrg and Zyn-Vyrg, Pyd-Vyrg, and just everyone here. Thank you so much for seeing me and caring about my pain, for caring enough to help Steve and me to fix our communication problems, and most of all? Thank you all for being honest. We humans say that we have blind spots. That’s why we have friends, family, and colleagues who can help us to see a whole picture, instead of just the part that a single individual can see.”

Human-Clara also performed the Gesture of deep respect, including all members of the Conclave and ending facing Human-Steve again. They closed their eyes as they bowed their heads towards one another. This was a new human gesture for the clan to observe.

Pyd-Vyrg ended the Conclave with the usual focus-noise. Human-Clara later described it as a combination of “singing middle C, low C, and the rumble of the big cargo engines back home, all at once!”

The clan mostly filtered out to rejoin the rest of the crew, or return to their rest cycles. A few born-Vyrg stayed in the mess hall for food, especially after hearing Human-Clara say, “oh and if you think I’M funny, I should share my Mama’s last vid-call with you!”

Integration takes work and honesty and attention, and both humans had brought their best to the Conclave.

Human-Steve and Human-Clara were proper Vyrg now.

Source: instantgalaxy-justaddstars   
#there i fixed it #humans are space orcs #earth is space australia #adhd #actually adhd #adhd tag #my words #my collabs #that's a tag i haven't used in a while #huh that's a tag #proud of this  
2,861 notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/164609390652/humans-are-weird-adhd


	18. Moon phases

Moon phases

The moon pulls me out to play tonight  
Why now, two days past full?  
Only the moon knows.  
My heart and the moon ebb and flow over time.  
I talk to the moon and its cool grace listens  
Since the dawn of my awareness  
Of awareness or of the moon  
As a changeable constant.  
I’ve been wounded since the day I was born  
And I think I’ve been witchy nearly as long.

#moon #poetry #poem #witchy #my words


	19. More advice from middle age

More advice from middle age:

Be kind to yourself,  
Be generous to yourself,  
Work to forgive yourself (I know it can be difficult.)

Gather the people/things you love and the people/things that comfort you, against the inevitable shitty days to come: the unwelcome surprise, the health scare, the unexpected loss or financial hit.

It is possible to be sustained by what you love, and it is possible that when you say, “I’m crumpling under this” that a surprising amount of help will be offered.

Say “yes” if you can, to offers of help. At the least you know you’re not utterly alone, and at best, you actually get helped out of some or all of your troubles.

Our pride in being self sufficient doesn’t help keep us from feeling alone. Work on learning who and when to trust. It’s hard work and fuck, is it a risk, but when the risk pays off, it’s fucking worth it.

#advice from middle age #advice from a friend #tumblr old #wine aunt #i love you #my words #spilled words

2 notes


	20. writing meta

Just realized:  
Instead of saying that I write *fanfiction* to mundanes, (ie non-fannish people), I can say I write short fiction for a specialized niche market.

Which is accurate, and acceptable terminology for a résumé or CV. \o/

#i win #words #spilled words #my words #i make words do what i want #fanfic #fanfiction #redefine terms #amwriting #writing  
46 notes

 

+_+_+_+_+

I’m a writer and…  
[AO3] You’ve got kudos!

is my favorite email subject tag EVER

#kudos #ao3 #archive of our own #best website is best #fandom #my words #my work #validation #writing #amwriting  
19 notes

+_+_+_+_+

Ao3 = source of joy  
I love getting kudos and I hug and cuddle every one close to my heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/148217119837/just-realized  
> and  
> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/151295710067/im-a-writer-and


	21. Adorable?

Adorable?  
That feel when someone you really really like calls you adorable and your first impulse is to say “no, I’m not adorable,” but you stop yourself before you say that. And instead you swallow, look them in the eye, and say thank you! And smile at them. Because now you know, that you have made progress. Because the next step after accepting a compliment is actually believing it. Because you think you’re almost there to being able to believe it.

#self-esteem #compliments #accepting compliments #getting better #believing that you are lovable #my words #spilled ink #spilled words #voice to text  
2 notes


	22. Fic writing, fuck yeah

That feel when you go to update that fic of yours that’s almost finished, and you like the story and you want to finish writing it but get caught up in reading the story instead, and you like it so much that you actually forget that you wrote that thing.   
* grinning *

#my fic #mmm #my words #my writing #write the story #yasss queen #omgcheckplease #ao3fic  
2 notes

 

OMG, y'all, i’ve never gotten a comment within 2 hours of posting a fic. and I’ve never had one say  
“Gahhhhh fuck that was so gooooood omg <333”

*happy dance*

#my words #my fic #yay!  
4 notes


	23. Natural tendency and learned behavior

My natural tendency is to be hopeful. I look for the silver lining, I assume the nobler motivations first.  
Sometimes though, it’s hard to hold onto hope.

At those times my hard won skills of patience and tenacity come into play.

You’ve seen me be hopeful. That’s tender, green, easily crushed.  
Patience, though, is made of steel and tenacity is the whetstone.

All manner of things are possible with tempered steel: a compass, a needle, a plowshare, a sword, a scalpel, the girder that builds the skyscraper.

I will not give this up yet.

#patience #hope #my words #tenacity #i promise #i will not give up #i will be there #the future is unwritten #unwritten  
1 note


	24. Ten things I have learned

Ten things make a list:

Rob Breszny's Free Will Astrology for Scorpios this week suggests that it would be a good idea to think about the parts of one’s past that it would be good to protect and to carry forward into the future.

Ten things I have learned that I would like to carry forward:

1) Brainweasels are liars, and usually are due to low blood sugar or loneliness. CF: The Desiderata.  
2) I am stronger, much more competent, and a lot more lovable than I believe I am.  
3) despite 2) I am just as prone to fuck up my communication as the next person, or to fuck up period.  
4) It is possible to apologize for a lot of things. Nobody really likes doing it, nobody’s great at it.  
5) I deserve self-care.  
6) I am allowed to ask for help with my self care, and people will often say yes. (thanks to Eeyore42 and Wrenb for teaching me that)  
7) Enjoy what you have, share with others, don’t feel guilty for having more. Help as often as you can.  
8) Life is short. Enjoy it while you can, and tell people you love them if you do. Kiss their faces too.  
9) Tenderness, kindness, and warmheartedness are underrated in the world. Value them, teach them.  
10) Feed yourself. Feed your people in whatever ways you can. It makes everyone happy.

#my words #lists #my stuff #what i've learned  
2 notes  
Feb 5th, 2017

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/156861184177/ten-things-make-a-list


	25. feminine/female

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://labelleizzy.tumblr.com/post/171970857442/femininefemale

I have lost the habit of performative femininity. This occasionally presents me with problems.

also the difference between being girly and being womanly. doing girl stuff and doing woman stuff. When I think of “to girl,” as a verb, I think of all the primping and dressing for other people’s eyes… makeup, fancy hair, manicures, like, DRESSES AND SKIRTS, and like HEELS. and I like some of that stuff some of the time but I no longer am willing to pull that shit out 24/7. 

when I think of “womaning” as a verb, I think it’s really similar to “personing” or “humaning.” but there’s connotations to “womaning” that make it harder, even, to achieve than “humaning”. there’s connotations of strength and endurance of shitty “inevitable” things that the culture MAKES women shoulder. Emotional labor. sexual abuse. power imbalances. implicit responsibility for child care and household chores.

I really need to write more about this. It’s one of the tangles in my brain, and part of why I’ve identified as a “person” more than as a “girl or woman” for most of my life, but I didn’t actually realize till about ten years ago that there were lots of people talking about this problem/issue/question, that I wasn’t alone in my wondering and thinking, resentments, assumptions, all the things.

I’m not gonna say I’m a guy, boy, man, I’m not, that’s not at all true of me. Never has been. Not trans. definitely cis. But my priority is to my own humanity and to the humanity of other people who shoulder this unacknowledged burden of assumptions of “how it should be/well that’s just how it is” which is quite frankly BS. Humanity. 

The depth of the emotional and intellectual colonization was revealed to me when I started changing how I referred to other women. If I said, she is a person. If I said “those people” instead of “those women”, i felt something in deep places go, “what?” Like one of my colonized pieces says without saying, men are people and women are not and goddamn that’s messed up.

but. we have to see what needs fixed before we can fix it. So this is me going, here’s something that I see that needs fixed, in me, and in the culture. 

this is just a super quick braindump, unedited, rambling. YMMV. But I think we all need to look at our shit and see how much we can kick to the curb or compost, change the space it takes up and how it interferes with our ability to think, feel, reason, be authentic, and live our best lives.

thanks, y’all, for listening. 

#femininity#femaleness#personal#braindump#emotional labor#power imbalance#feminist#examining my own shit#rough draft#thinky thoughts#the culture is fucked#yeah i said it


	26. Wile E. Coyote, genius?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one never met Tumblr but it was in my adhd tag in my blog so i'm adding it to tumblr

that moment when  
you are almost caught up in the brainweasels whispering "you've fucked up"  
and then you like, catch the branch as you're falling off the cliff  
and you use the momentum to swing yourself safely back up into the tree  
so, like, sure, you still got to climb back out of the tree  
but you didn't go *splat* on the river valley below.

(why yes I am likening myself to Wile E. Coyote, why do you ask?  
but he never got to save himself. and I can, sometimes.)


	27. I am still here. You are still here. We are still here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My friend asked for a reframe of "I am a failure"  
> This is for Gira and for all of us.

I have failed, yet I am still here.  
I have been sad, yet I am still here.  
I have made mistakes. Sometimes I learn, sometimes I make them again. Yet I am still here.   
I have been disappointed. I have been despairing. Yet I am still here.   
I have hurt people, and been hurt by them...yet I am still here, moreover almost all of THEM are STILL HERE.   
I have much to learn. I have many ways I can help others and improve the world.  
I am still here.  
I am still here.  
I am still here.  
<3 a gift for both of us


	28. Breathe, y'all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a stressful day is the parent of this

Breathe, y'all:

I’m not alone in feeling angry, anxious, sad, despairing. I’m not alone in feeling rage and worry.

First things first.

* Breathe. Sit up enough for a breath into your belly.

* check in with yourself. Are you hungry? Thirsty?

* fix breathing, hunger and thirst.

* have a shower/bath/clean up a little. Washcloth is fine if that’s what you’ve got energy for.

* are you warm enough/cool enough? If not, self care is about taking care of your body mind and heart. See if you can find a solution (warm socks, a spray bottle) (goes sheepishly to put on her own warm socks)

* now if you can do all those things, good job! *High five* from your Internet Big Sister (me)

Next

* try to Do A Thing. Doing Something helps you feel less despair & helplessness. Anything is better than nothing.

* ask for help/encouragement/a hug. Remember how much you like helping friends? They like helping too! We aren’t a bother, people who care about us want us to find comfort and to be happy. (Note to Self)

* reminder: it’s kinda a shitty world out there right now. We got to take care of ourselves (put your oxygen mask on first) so we can help others who need it. Self Care is a RADICAL ACT in a world that wants us to be small, roll over, and let the greedy bastards have All The World. SCREW THOSE GUYS.

Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Keep fighting. I’m worth fighting for. You’re worth fighting for. We’re worth fighting for.

Keep going. I love you.

_#your internet big sister #i love you #self care #self care isn't selfish #self compassion #keep calm and carry on  
198 notes  
originally posted to Tumblr Dec 6th, 2017_


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